we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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