you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
