it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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