Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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