Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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