I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
