We won't sleep together?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
