i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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