If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
