after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
