If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
