the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
