yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
