also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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