oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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