I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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