The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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