I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
