I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
