Are we in a gay sports bar?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
