I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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