There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
