my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
