I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
