you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
