omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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