Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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