hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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