he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
