you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
