she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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