hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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