i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
