three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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