tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??