you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?