last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
