He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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