this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
