erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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