Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
