we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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