if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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