I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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