Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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