he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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