? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
