Even the bartender felt bad for me
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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