yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize