Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
