They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
