Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
