he was CRYING into my vagina
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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