I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did I show you my penis last night?
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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