i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
