I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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