I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
