How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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