on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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