he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
