omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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