i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
