Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
