oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
