Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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