I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
