I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
